Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
