whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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