Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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