Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
