Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
