Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
