we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
