you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
