i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
