Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
