Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
