Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i out mim tonsoeep
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