I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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