so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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