OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
