he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
When are your genitals available?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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