No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
