You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
