Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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