her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
