so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
