When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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