3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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