what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
