My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
