a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
