You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
