What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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