wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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