I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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