Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
