I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
