Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
lets start a swedish sibling band together
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
