I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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