Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Randomize
