May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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