and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
