Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
