Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
