people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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