I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
