Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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