I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
