no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
