he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
