I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
