it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
