FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
