I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
