so explain again why im purple
no
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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