if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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