he wants to bone in the snuggie
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
